Elise Boulding died last week. She was an activist, sociologist, mother, feminist, Norwegian-American, author, Quaker, wife to a famous economist-poet, professor, a founder in the field of Peace & Conflict Studies …and much more.

A brief reminiscence from someone who only knew her in passing: When I was a 20-something intern in mediation, I attended the first National Conference on Peacemaking and Conflict Resolution (1983, I believe). Elise Boulding was the keynote speaker. I got up the nerve to speak with her–and as we sat in the coffee shop, two important things happened. The first was that she agreed to write the forward for my book Peacemaking in your Neighborhood. If it weren’t for her endorsement we probably would have sold 300 copies!

The second was a small thing…. As we were talking, the conference organizers swept by, expecting her to come join them for lunch. She declined, and after they left she said with a twinkle, “you know I always avoid the important people at conferences. I like to talk to the 20 and 30 year-olds who are doing the new and interesting work.” At conferences I have tried to follow her example ever since (one notable set of coffee shop conversations was with the nannies of famous anthropologist mothers, but that’s not a tale for a mediation blog )

The final night of the conference, Elise Boulding got up to speak, looked down the stage with its row of men and one woman (the organizer), gazed out into the full hall. She observed that a good majority of the attendees were women. While all week long the speakers been men. Women are given the role of peacemakers in many societies, she said, they are the experts in how to do this work of resolving conflict. The stage should be full of them! The audience burst into wild cheers. And to give all of us in the field credit, many women have come crowding onto the stage since then. Thank you Elise!

Thank you, New Society Publishers, for hosting me for a day on your lovely island! It takes two ferry rides to get there from Seattle or Vancouver.

The press that publishes the Mediator’s Handbook puts out trend-setting books that run way ahead of the mainstream press in promoting sustainable communities. Their lucky staff do this from an island outpost on the far western edge of the North American continent (not counting Alaska…), gazing out their office windows at pine forest, and playing with the charming dogs that accompany their humans to work.

My first encounter with New Society Publishers was in 1985. The activists who started it were living in Philadelphia neighborhoods west of the University of Pennsylvania — blocks and blocks of aging brick rowhomes and, nearer the university, larger victorian era twin houses. The crack epidemic was at its height and many middle class residents and graduate students had moved elsewhere. What a distant reality in time and place from where they are now!

NSP left for the West Coast several years after they published our Peacemaking in your Neighborhood book. After years of phone and emails and snail mails, it was a pleasure to meet their dedicated and hard-working crew in person.

And to plot with them about next year’s new edition!

Here’s a summary of the comments which have come in on email:

Susan: Select words that have meaning to the participants, not just to the mediators

Listening without Interruption
Exchange of Views
Identifying Issues and Topics
Developing Options
Reaching Decisions

---

Joan: I am a bit concerned about the name of ‘Talking it out’ when at least half of the time should be / is about listening. I think it goes too comfortably into norms of society, and falls into a trap that has been identified by George Lakoff : using language that people relate to but not paying attention to the mental models that come with it.

I also wonder about the word ‘perspective’ and if that may not become the ‘new’ UNINTERRUPTED TIME in terms of rocky lingo.

The other blocks are RIGHT ON. Because this early block is soooo key to beginning the process and buy-in that it’s worth some more thought.

---

Brenda: Good thoughts, Joan. It seems as if the identifiers we use to delineate the steps in the process are more for the mediators than the parties. They name the task to be done during that part of the process. We caution trainees to eliminate those identifiers because they are mediator jargon. What Joan is proposing might reorient the mediators into looking at their tasks in a different way. If I’m focusing on “perspectives”, might that make me a more focused listener giving less attention to protecting the parties UT?

---

Caroline: Change “Setting the Agenda” to something like “Listing the Topics”
Differentiate Building the Agreement into 3 stages (however you want to label them) comprising

• generating options
  
• testing options for fit with interests
  
• testing options for workability

Use “Exploring the Situation” instead of “Understanding the Situation”?

My problem with “Understanding” is it seems to me to be ambiguous in ways that might unconsciously reinforce some new mediators’ misconceptions about the mediator’s role in this stage. For one thing, “understanding” something can mean realizing what the facts are or what the truth is about something. The label “Understanding the Situation” might reinforce the common misconception among new mediators that they have to “understand what really happened.”

For another thing, “understanding” can mean “agreeing” (as in “we’ve reached an understanding,” or “harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abounding”). So the label could reinforce another common new-mediator misconception: that they are supposed to try to get the disputants to see things from each other’s perspectives (nice work if you can get it, but not necessary for resolution). It might potentially lead more new mediators to make more of those risky interventions we sometimes hear along the lines of, “But can you understand Bartholomew’s concern here, Georgette?”

Also, since “Understanding the Situation” may sound more like a goal than an activity, it might not do the best possible job of orienting new mediators to the tasks they should be doing during this stage. The proposed labels for the other stages describe activities more than goals. What’s more, the goal of this stage seems to me not so much a generalized understanding as a teasing out from the tangle certain specific kinds of information — the necessary topics and interests — and focuing the disputants on the future.

I like “Exploring the Situation” because it unambiguously describes the activity of the stage, and emphasizes the possibility of surprises and discoveries, which seem crucial to the translation process at the heart of this stage. And it even addresses Susan’s question whether we can provide mnemonic continuity for people long familiar with the old labels: since it starts with “Ex,” “Exploring” might remind people more easily that it’s the old “Exchange.”

---

Brenda: I agree that “understanding” is ambiguous and rather broad. Are we trying to back our way around the conflict spiral to get at the core issues? Are we helping the parties to “unravel”, gain “clarity”, see the Light? With over 180,000 words in the English language, surely we can find the most effective word. I like the idea of breaking down Building the Agreement into three sections.

I also am glad to hear that Setting the Agenda is being revised. I have tried many ways to teach that and am never successful. It seems as if the parties reach a point where at least one person has lifted one leg out of the past and throws out or offers a resolution. I want to hear the response rather than jump in and see if they are ready to set an agenda. Typically, the offer will foster more dialogue and often more offers or counter offers. Why interrupt the flow? I use the checklist to make sure that all issues are covered. etc.

Over blueberry muffins, hot from Caroline’s oven…..

We’re wrestling with what to do if we replace our familiar terms (“exchange” “uninterrupted time” “interests” etc.) with ones we think are more accurate or more useful. Will the new purpose-centered names for the process stages confuse people who learned mediation with the earlier editions? In what ways might it be aggravating for trainers to make the switch? New names are here: Building Blocks.

My preference is to go with the new conception, and have some kind of reference in the text or sidebar that clues in folks who are used to the previous terms. The point of putting out a book (or training people, for that matter), is to help people mediate effectively. If we have better ideas about how to do this than what we previously taught….shouldn’t we present those ideas front and center?

OK, and I admit to an irrational bias: for years I’ve sponsored a contest to get rid of “uninterrupted time” as unspellable, unpronouncable, focused on what we DON’T want (interruptions). I remember when we invented the term “Exchange” and have been bemused to watch it spread through other mediation manuals. In the end, it doesn’t really help — it just says “warning, messy communication ahead”.

Let us know what you think.