My reply to William Kaplan’s comment on the previous post about conflict being fun, living, and natural spilled over into several paragraphs, so I’ll post it here as a separate entry.

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Eileen always said people who enjoy fomenting conflict make the best mediators ….And she would linger long and deliciously over the word f o m e n t.

But back to the disputing parties, most rarely think they’re having fun or appreciating experiencing LIFE at its most natural…. Are you saying that mediators can retain a sense of relaxed perspective on other people’s conflicts if they treat it as a natural & lively drama?

I like using the conflict-is-a-drama theme when I teach — describing negotiation/mediation as a choreographed moment when the parties come together on the stage, interacting for the edification or amusement of a larger (if invisible) audience.

I’m inclined to talk about this later in the “culture” section. Dramatic presentations of conflict and the process of resolution are are used to claim and define identity. “Can you believe that he did X?” “Professionals don’t behave like Y.” The conflict is part of a larger group’s “conversations” about how people should fight, what they feel justified in fighting ABOUT, who has a claim, and how disputes are “resolved” (or not). All the stages of conflict, from casual complaints and gossip through shunning or killing are ways a community works out who belongs, how they are different from other groups, who has authority and status, what issues and principles are important. It’s like watching a local soap opera.

It’s useful for mediators to 1) understand that they’re the producers (rather than the directors) of a dramatic moment and disputants will behave with their imagined audiences in mind, and 2) these dramas are culturally and identity-specific, both in terms of the process people expect to follow, and their criteria for proper resolution, and 3) as William and Eileen would suggest, to relish the “aliveness” of the comedy and tragedy being played out around the table rather than being freaked out about whether the mediators can keep a lid on.

Fun stuff. Not sure how much to put in the Handbook.

[*Eileen Stief, co-author]